Burns AND Brands

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, SR.

You are roughly FOURTY YEARS OLD, and you never really give a straight answer about your age. People have stopped asking, because when you want to avoid a topic, YOU KICK UP A HUGE FUSS. Your son is KARKAT JR, and there is a lot of confusion between the two of you. It's somewhat eerie, how YOU LOOK NEARLY IDENTICAL.

You are the ENGLISH TEACHER at your son's school, and you take your job very seriously. So seriously, in fact, the only reason you haven't been fired for CUSSING is because you are very, very good at the English language (and teaching it, apparaently. Your methods are unique, but work very well).

At the moment, you live in a house with your son and you lover, whose official occupation is the school's gym teacher. You know there are other things he does that aren't quite legal, but you don't really ask about it much. Your husband is just as ANGRY AND STUBBORN AS YOU ARE.

Besides this, you're mostly calm until you open your mouth. You tend to speak AND SHOUT in alteration, putting plenty emphasis on your points. You are a SURPRISINGLY SPIRITUAL INDIVIDUAL, and you've spent a lot of time thinking about religious and moral subjects. You are also not without your sins, however. You have SOME VERY VIOLENT AND DANGEROUS KINKS, including a love for blood.

Your bedroom is soundproofed.

what. jesus fuck, WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO SHOW ME.

November302011

/slaps his face away wow vantas sr youre a fucking jackass

signlesssufferer:

discjockeyswag:

signlesssufferer:

Why don’t you take your silly girl shades off and look me in the eye.

AND THEN DISPERSE ONTO MY BEAUTIFUL AUDITORY SENSORS A FACT OR SUBJECT UPON WHICH I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE.

girl shades? hah

funny

these are the fuckin epitome of cool, check it mang

you probably couldnt even handle my real eyes

Is that your insecurity speaking?

Or rather, shouting.

It’s extremely loud. What did I tell you about proper indoor voices.

im sorry what?

i couldnt hear you over the sound of how fucking awesome i am

besides the only thing here thats not proper is you and your fucking husband

you two are crazy loud

all

the

fucking

time

Exactly.

I can’t hear the sound of your ‘fucking awesome’ over the sound of our awesome fucking.

And that is exactly how it is supposed to be.

((typos what typos))

1AM

Anonymous asked: Ass, you've been ignorin' me. Gimme attention an' maybe I'll letcha have your night in peace.

It’s almost midterms.

You know how I get around midterms.

You’re going to have to be real sweet if you want anything tonight, darling. *and by sweet, he means, let the blood flow*

1AM

/big derpy grin of course i do sir!!! it took some convincing but he let me, dont worry :3

solicitoussalamander:

karkinoscarcinoma:

signlesssufferer:

Good girl.

I wish Karkat was as nice and polite as you and John.

You are such good kids.

FUCK YOU, DAD.

i dunno mr. vantas!! ive seen karkat be super sweet to dave and john and stuff!! :D

and karkatttt! thats a bad word ):

How sweet is that, she’s even putting up for someone like you, Karkitty.

You tell him, girl.

1AM

/slaps his face away wow vantas sr youre a fucking jackass

discjockeyswag:

signlesssufferer:

Why don’t you take your silly girl shades off and look me in the eye.

AND THEN DISPERSE ONTO MY BEAUTIFUL AUDITORY SENSORS A FACT OR SUBJECT UPON WHICH I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE.

girl shades? hah

funny

these are the fuckin epitome of cool, check it mang

you probably couldnt even handle my real eyes

Is that your insecurity speaking?

Or rather, shouting.

It’s extremely loud. What did I tell you about proper indoor voices.

1AM

/big derpy grin of course i do sir!!! it took some convincing but he let me, dont worry :3

Good girl.

I wish Karkat was as nice and polite as you and John.

You are such good kids.

1AM

Anonymous asked: M'always anonymous. How long did it take me to tell you my real name? Now kiss. /shoves him into a wall and leans close

I think you’ve forgotten it’s MY turn today.

/snaps at him, pushing hard at his shoulders

I’ll FUCKING KISS YOU when I feel like it.

12AM

solicitoussalamander asked: hi mr. vantas!!!

Why hello there, little Ms. Egbert.

I hope you have your father’s permission to be here. That’s what I’m assuming.

/kisses the top of her head, smiles slightly and adds a pat for good measure

12AM

/slaps his face away wow vantas sr youre a fucking jackass

Why don’t you take your silly girl shades off and look me in the eye.

AND THEN DISPERSE ONTO MY BEAUTIFUL AUDITORY SENSORS A FACT OR SUBJECT UPON WHICH I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE.

12AM

Anonymous asked: You fuckin' whore. Kissin' everyone that asks for one. S'wrong with you?

I don’t really know what the point of the anonymity was, YOUR ACCENT RINGS PRETTY FUCKING CLEAR.

It’s only five kisses. Jealous?

*beams… and crosses his arms, and positively keeps his lips to himself*

12AM

discjockeyswag asked: hah this is great

Oh.

*chomps on his nose*

I was saving that for you.

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